Where do you stand on honesty? Are you an everything-plus-the-kitchen-sink kind of person? Or do you take a more…curated approach to candour, drip drip dripping the truths as occasion demands?
We date people for all sorts of reasons but we’re not necessarily always honest about them:
“I want to make my ex jealous”
“I want to have sex”
“I want to feel better about myself”
“I’m under pressure from my family to settle down”
“I want a baby”
“I’m trying to get over someone”
“I’m afraid to be single”
“I write a dating blog and I need fresh material” (kidding!)
Much of your time dating is spent wading through these duds, looking for the shimmer of something real in the rubble; a diamond in the rough.
It’s the day after my date with the Thai and she’s sent a lovely message asking for a second date. Part of me wants to go but part of me is worried that the Friend still has me cooped up in her heart like a rat in a cage. I know the only way of getting over her is by meeting someone new. But what if it doesn’t work? What if after all the kisses and the cuddles I’m left cold by this non-Friend, this stranger?
In a perfect world we’d only date when we were 100% ready. You’d flick on the green light, set out your stall and welcome curious passers-by with open arms. Instead I’m standing next to my half-finished stall scowling and snatching items out of people’s hands. “Actually, that’s not for sale. Sorry! Please go away.”
The truth is, I’m not ready and I don’t want to lead the Thai on. She deserves more than a dud. So I text her saying thank you so much for a wonderful evening, I had the best time but, well, actually I have feelings for someone else, so sorry embarrassed face. She replies saying she understands and that’s the end of that. Or so I think.
A week later she texts again:
“I feel like I missed an opportunity with you. I’m down for good clean fun if you are. Have I missed the boat?”
I pause, have a think. Fuck it, if I’m going to bury my head in something it might as well be her cleavage.
“Boat’s still here. Let’s have some fun.”